You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
