Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am available for nakedness
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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