Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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