i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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40s are totally the cure
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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