why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
