Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
