the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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