Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
