you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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