i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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