Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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