I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
