I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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