My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
