she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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