I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
