You smell like stripper and shame
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
