Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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