I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
