saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
