sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
