the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
