I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
