I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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