I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
