I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
