he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
