the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
