OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
