im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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