I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
