then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
