Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
