pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
