Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
