So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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