STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
