so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
