seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
