So drunk its hurt
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
