To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
