there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
