he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
