I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
