well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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