I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
