I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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