I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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