Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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