I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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