He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
