There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
