I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
