You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize