Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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