It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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