sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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