oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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