Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
