I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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