This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
