i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
