who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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