His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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