I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
