I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
