i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
