Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
