everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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