he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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