he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
