I cockslap morals
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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