Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
3 2 1 whiskey
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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