i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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