I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
