so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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