I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
