THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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