I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
