Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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