And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
