I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
