I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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