youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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